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More on page 190

Indicting ham sandwiches

“The prosecutor can get the grand jury to indict a ham sandwich.”

Are grand juries really so eager to indict ham sandwiches? Any prosecutor worth his/her salt knows grand juries can be prickly, and are seldom impressionable enough to coerce into returning a true bill of indictment for deli meat or particularly weak cases.

Still, it seems like some pundit, reporter, or TV character is always making the “ham sandwich” declaration. If I had a quarter for every time I heard it, I’d be rich—or at the very least, have enough money to buy a few dozen ham sandwiches.


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More on page 405

Deadly force

Compared most other cop shows, the detectives of Law & Order aren’t real gun slingers. They spend most of their time doing what detectives really do—canvas neighborhoods, interrogate suspects, and do office work. On occasion, they’ll have to draw their weapons.

Police departments have strict regulations concerning the discharge of firearms, and would view the behavior of most TV cops as irresponsible, reckless, and oftentimes criminal.
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More on page 374

Color me Jack McCoy

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Ever wonder what Jack McCoy would look like as a blond? Or how odd Van Buren would look with a mustache? With this cool coloring book from artist Brandon Bird and a box of Crayolas, you can satisfy your curiosity—and paint the town, as well as the squad room red, yellow or any color you damn well please.
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More on page 383

Twinkies, Zoloft, and Demon Dogs

Crime & Justice Comments (3)

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A Twinkies cake to go with your Zoloft. Oh, and a devil dog to keep you company.


Happy Independence Day! Due to popular demand (and holiday vacation) we’re rerunning this post, originally featured in April 2008

In the L&O episode “Disciple” renegade former nun Rosa Halasy offers up a colorful homicide defense: St. Michael made her do it. Halasy, as played by the talented Frances Conroy, is glassy-eyed, eerily calm, and, downright spooky. Her performance, while much more subdued, brings to mind Piper Laurie’s turn as a quasi-religious nut and lousy mother in “Carrie.”

While somewhat rare, novel defenses such as the fictional Halasy’s do make it to court. Some are so ludicrous, we have to give props to the defense attorneys for keeping straight faces in the courtroom. For your amusement and indignation, we’ve complied this list of some of the more outrageous defense strategies.

1. In 1979, Dan White shot and killed his political rival, the openly gay Harvey Milk, along with San Francisco mayor George Moscone. White claimed a diet of junk food and Twinkies led to a psychological breakdown, which in turn, led him to kill the two men. The ruse worked to a degree: White was convicted of the lesser charge of manslaughter and the term “Twinkie defense” entered our lexicon.

2. Arizonian Scott Falater claimed he was sleepwalking when he stabbed his wife Yarmila 44 times and then attempted to drown her in the swimming pool in 1997. The jury didn’t buy it. The unfortunate-named (yes, it really is pronounced “fah-later”) man was sentenced to life in prison. We wonder how he’s sleeping these days…

3. The sleepwalking defense proved more fruitful for Albert Tirrell way back in 1845. Despite eyewitnesses and solid evidence against him, Tirell was acquitted of the murder of his mistress, high-priced hooker Maria Bickford. After beating murder (and related arson) charges he turned around and sued his attorney, legendary Rufus Choate. Tirrell wanted his legal fees refunded! Some people are never satisfied.

4. Sixteen-year old Floridian Victor Brancaccio said Zoloft spurred him to beat Mollie Mae Frazier to death in 1993 after the 81-year old stranger called him “low class” for cursing in public. He was found guilty as charged. Brancaccio appealed, got a new trial, and was found guilty a second time. The Supreme Court has declined to hear his case.

5. Mass murderer Colin Ferguson claimed “black rage” led him to open fire on a Long Island commuter train killing 6 people and wounding 19 others. Although he retained the services of the late civil rights attorney William Kunstler (it was Kunstler who coined the term “black rage”), Ferguson chose to represent himself at trial. Found guilty, he was given six life sentences.

6. In 1986, West Virginian Dean Ludwig Bee convinced a jury that “gay panic” caused him to kill Dent Hickman, a man he met in a bar. Ludwig Bee said that his victim made an unwanted pass at him. The jury acquitted. The verdict was unusual as the so-called “gay panic” defense is rarely successful.

7. Wisconsinite William Dahlby claimed he was only trying to scare his wife when he threw a live electrical wire into the tub while she was taking a bath. He said he hoped the near-death experience would help save their marriage. Mrs. Dahlby lived to tell—in court. Mr. Dahlby, who now resides in prison, won’t be getting any conjugal visits any time soon.

8. In 1977, lawyers for fifteen-year old Floridian Ronnie Zamora argued that “television intoxication” led him to murder his neighbors. He should have stayed in and watched Charlie’s Angels like the rest of us. The jury tuned in and found him guilty. Then they rushed home in time to see Steve Austin knock a villian unconscious with a pillow.

9. In 1981, an English woman used PMS (premenstrual syndrome) as a defense in a murder trial. Experts testified that PMS transformed the normally sane woman into a maniac. The court felt the defense had merit. The woman was convicted of lesser charges.

10. David “The Son of Sam” Berkowitz insisted that his neighbor Sam Carr’s dog Harvey instructed him to kill six people and wound seven others in the New York area in the late 1970s. He pleaded guilty and was given six life sentences. In an interview with renowned FBI profiler Robert Ressler, Berkowitz admitted he made up the demon dog story to help him mount an insanity defense.

Fio @ July 3, 2009